Whealen’s Witticisms

This post is an addendum to the preceding article, “For the Love of Hello Kitty“. Here are some memorable quotations  fuelled by Whealen’s cranial capacity and wry wit. May he rest in peace.


• “Nice introduction. You’ve seen one of the classic versions of the movie Frankenstein, right? Well, when the angry mob of self-satisfied, politically-correct “patriots” comes after you, I swear I won’t be with them.”-comment on an assignment

• “Believe it or not, I had my first “Wal-Mart experience” only a couple of years ago. There was this morbidly obese female customer clad entirely in polyester pushing a tow motor–I swear–with packages of Jumbo Charmin ass wipe. Must have been a thousand rolls. What the fuck? Perhaps she planned to hook up with the guy who was struggling along with a hundred boxes of Kellogg’s All Bran?”-email exchange

• “All is now well–assuming that I discount the possibility that something’s wrong with my head–a potentiality that really doesn’t bother me. Worst possible case scenario, an EEG might reveal a bunch of beer caps & cigarette butts lodged in my brain.”-email after recovery from a host of ailments

• “I fell in love with the Rocky Mountains while out west–especially after I learned that they were a “young” range and that, beneath them, a much higher and earlier range had raised up and worn down millions of years before. There’s nothing, absolutely nothing, like mountains to make you realize how petty and insignificant your own little personal difficulties are.”-email exchange

• “Usually the Canadian way is to strike a Royal Commission. Then to do nothing, or the opposite of what it recommends.”-comment in class

• One might paraphrase Tom Paine & note that email is the last refuge of the scoundrel.-email exchange

• “My dad, a Harvard man, and a journalist/editor, taught me several things: (1) Leave the world better than you found it (2) Speak truth to power (3) Justice is fairness (John Rawls). You will suffer for following these rules, so choose your friends carefully.”-email exchange


4 thoughts on “Whealen’s Witticisms

  1. Pingback: For the Love of Hello Kitty « The Fab Files

  2. The Kellogg’s All Bran, toilet paper, Wal-Mart e-mail was laugh out loud funny. I knew Michael from the break room at CAW (Centre for Academic Writing). It’s a shame I didn’t get to know him better.

  3. I just heard of the sad news about Mike’s passing. I knew Mike as a fellow grad student at the U. of Calgary in the 1980s and at York in the 1990s. He was my partner in crime, as he put it. I am to blame for coaxing him to come out to York (he used to say) but I am glad to hear that he made a go of it at Canada’s most politically correct university. (In his private life, he was ideologically to the right of Attila the Hun.) We probably discussed every topic under the sun, and sometimes even in a sober state. After I moved to BC in the mid-1990s we lost touch. I am shocked to hear that he was living on the streets of Hogtown in the late 1990s–where were his friends and relatives? Mike would properly despise me if I praised him to the skies and ignored his humanity. He was a true paradox–a cynical curmudgeon with a heart of gold. I join the throngs of those who miss him. The next time I visit a bar I shall celebrate Mike in the only manner that he would have appreciated.

    Here’s one of my favorite cryptic quotes from Mike:

    “Well, if everything is true, then nothing is true!”

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