Whealen’s Witticisms

This post is an addendum to the preceding article, “For the Love of Hello Kitty“. Here are some memorable quotations  fuelled by Whealen’s cranial capacity and wry wit. May he rest in peace.


• “Nice introduction. You’ve seen one of the classic versions of the movie Frankenstein, right? Well, when the angry mob of self-satisfied, politically-correct “patriots” comes after you, I swear I won’t be with them.”-comment on an assignment

• “Believe it or not, I had my first “Wal-Mart experience” only a couple of years ago. There was this morbidly obese female customer clad entirely in polyester pushing a tow motor–I swear–with packages of Jumbo Charmin ass wipe. Must have been a thousand rolls. What the fuck? Perhaps she planned to hook up with the guy who was struggling along with a hundred boxes of Kellogg’s All Bran?”-email exchange

• “All is now well–assuming that I discount the possibility that something’s wrong with my head–a potentiality that really doesn’t bother me. Worst possible case scenario, an EEG might reveal a bunch of beer caps & cigarette butts lodged in my brain.”-email after recovery from a host of ailments

• “I fell in love with the Rocky Mountains while out west–especially after I learned that they were a “young” range and that, beneath them, a much higher and earlier range had raised up and worn down millions of years before. There’s nothing, absolutely nothing, like mountains to make you realize how petty and insignificant your own little personal difficulties are.”-email exchange

• “Usually the Canadian way is to strike a Royal Commission. Then to do nothing, or the opposite of what it recommends.”-comment in class

• One might paraphrase Tom Paine & note that email is the last refuge of the scoundrel.-email exchange

• “My dad, a Harvard man, and a journalist/editor, taught me several things: (1) Leave the world better than you found it (2) Speak truth to power (3) Justice is fairness (John Rawls). You will suffer for following these rules, so choose your friends carefully.”-email exchange